Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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