Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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