Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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