In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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