she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
