i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
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