I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
