You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
