I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
