Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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