i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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