I must be too annoying 4 u.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
