If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
