he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The beer is more important than you right now.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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