My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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