I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
