I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
