a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
