You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
