i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
