she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
