I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
