girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
