pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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