Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
