He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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