her vagine was all disorganized.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
