can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
