Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Randomize
