Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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