the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
