He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
