Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize