Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
