If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
