Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
