I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
