I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
