So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
