I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
