hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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