They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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