For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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