how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
