Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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