I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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