I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
