I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
