going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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