I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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