areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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