Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
