I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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