Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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