If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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