i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
