Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
