then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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