just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
