Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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