every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
