This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
