sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
