its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
