I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
