I want to have your abortion
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
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