Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
being pregnant is like rehab
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Randomize
