Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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