and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
