what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
