oh god the rape fog is back!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
