I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
