she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
