I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
why do cheetos always look like penises
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
