I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
