So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
