Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
