anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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