May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So vagazzling was a success
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
