So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
