How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
