I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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