New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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