I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Slut skills are useful in every country.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
you made out with another girl for some wings
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