I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
